I always used to write about how "Nine times out of ten, our hearts just get dissolved" and "One time out of ten, everything goes perfect for us all." Now that I think about it, I really did have that. I really did. I've had it twice, in fact, though more so this time.
Modest mouse really speaks to me. They preach to my life. "It's hard to be a human being... It's harder as anything else."
I don't know what to say anymore. I feel so empty. I forget things. Alot of things. Not the memories, of course... Those things won't leave me. I'm starting to realize what it means to have had someone who actually understood you, liked you as a person, who wanted to be around you, who wouldn't have dumped you after a week. I actually had opportunities like that, my friends. I'll never forget the looks of affection shared, holding someone you love, the kisses, the tears we shared, the attempt to get to Council crest, all the times we drove in my car, I'll never forget what a great year it had been.
I think that after 8th grade I had a huge void in my being. It gotted patched up okay, but then it was just torn open again, even bigger. This last year gave it such a nice fix and finish... Now it's bigger than ever. But... that's no ones fault but my own.
I tell you this. Not a single thing has been moved in my room. Silver trinkets still sit on my endtable, along with a certain box, prom pictures still sit atop my TV, and we're still kissing in the snow in a portrait in the same place. My heart is still in the same place.
I want you to move on. I want you to find someone who can sweep you off your feet. I just want to be your friend as you do. Whatever happens... Please, please just let me be a part of it.